SPECIAL EDITION: I Went to NYU Langone and All I Got was this Brand New Pu$$y

Oh hey, there. You’re pretty cute. Haven’t seen you around here before… Heh heh, come here often? Oh, you work here? So you’re here to stay? Oh fuck yeah, they fired the other guy? Honestly, I never liked him—yeah, what was his name… Uhh… what was that? Oh, yeah, Penis, that’s right, Penis used to be there Penis used to be there but now here you are all shiny and new and pretty and well… You’re mine. I mean, you were always mine but four months ago I woke up from a surgery and they were like “you have a vagina!!!” and I was like “cool I’m on a lot of drugs and in a lot of pain!!” And then four days later, when they removed the bandages, that resident assistant lady took one very intense look into your eyes… erm, eye… and said, “UGH! Rachel’s an artist!” and I looked down at you, and looked up at her and said “that’s art?!” No, seriously, I said that. Or… I thought it really loudly? I don’t know, they still had me on that pain stuff, but you were categorically not cute back then. Art was a bit of a stretch